BEING SWITZERLAND IN YOUR FAMILY’S WAR
We love our families, no doubt
about that. We cherish our friends, it’s true. So, when two or more members
from any of these groups are locked in a bitter feud and want you to pick a
side or by default, achieve enemy status, how do you refuse to be sucked into
the drama and remain a beloved?
Be uncompromisingly firm in your decision to stay neutral. Explain, in no uncertain terms, to the warring factions why you
will not be a part of the quarrel. To avoid any situations that can color
ambiguity into your words, do everything you can to make sure your reasons and
statements are super clear and explicit. That way, none of your words can be
twisted and misconstrued. Nothing can be more frustrating than being
deliberately misunderstood for the sake of furthering an agenda.
After your status as Switzerland has been established, you can
offer to play peacemaker. This will
work only both sides want to reconcile. Try and force the issue and you can
easily find your way back to enemy status. If your squabbling family members or
friends do want a sit-down, bear in mind that you might be dealing with an
emotionally charged situation. Don’t
take anything that is said, probably against you, personal.
With that in mind, it helps to
choose a place as neutral as you are, for the peace discourse. It can prove a
little tricky, depending on the personalities you’re dealing with. If the
dispute is over, say, a topic in connection to spirituality or religion, asking
them to meet you in church after Sunday service will immediately alienate the
party who thinks organized religion is a pile of garbage.
Think long and hard about any social situations which will involve
either one or both parties. If the conflict between your loved ones is
particularly volatile, you might have to rethink inviting either of them to
your next gathering where they both have to be present. The next step will be
to let them know why they are or are not invited. It could turn out to your
benefit; either one might decide they don’t want to be there if the other will
be present. This only applies to a function or gathering where they are not
really needed. If it happens to be an occasion like a wedding where your maid-of-honor
(who isn’t speaking to your other best friend) has to be there, your powers of
neutral peacemaker will have to be in full effect. You will have to let your other friend
understand why the maid-of honor must
be at the wedding and the decision whether to come or or stay away will then be
left up to your friend.
Let them know how badly this is affecting you, the one in the
middle. You love them both dearly, and
are possibly hurting because of their fighting. They need to know the
impossible position their feud is putting you in. You are unable to have the
two of them in a place together without it being uncomfortably awkward or
plates and glasses flying, depending on the hostility of the conflict. Either
way, you’re the grass that’s suffering in this elephant war, and they need to
clearly understand that.
If they care about you as much as
you care for them, this revelation alone could motivate them into wanting to
end the fracas, so that you don’t have to deal with this misery every time you
have to be around them.
Hopefully, these few steps provide
some guidance, if God forbid, a situation should ever arise where conflict
shows up among your loved ones and all you want to do is be like Switzerland.
